Assume The Best in Others and Yourself

I've been doing this thing where I assume the best in people, including me. 

Sometimes I wonder if I assume too much goodness.  For instance I have a few friends who rarely call me.  I pretty much always initiate anything and they are bad at getting back to me.  In the past I would have wondered what was wrong with them and then what was wrong with me.  But now I've been telling myself things like, "Your friends are busy, they love you, they just have stressful lives right now and no time."  In short it makes me feel like I have way more friends than I probably actually do. 

I even find myself talking about my friends and then find myself saything things like, "well, I guess they are a friend I don't see much, or an aquaintence."  But, you know what, I haven't been feeling bad about this.  I set up things with my frineds when I can and when things don't work out, I assume everyone meant the best. 

It kind of boils down to assuming people like me, even if I have no evidence to really support it.  It's extremely relaxing.  I do sometimes find myself wondering, "why didn't so and so email/call/text me back?"  But then I've been instead saying things like, "oh they are busy/stressed/depressed/awkward/whatever."  I assume there is a perfectly reasonable explanation to why they don't answer. 

Friendship after kids is a complete 180 to friendship during college.  During college I saw my good friends at least once a week, usually more.  It was easy to grab lunch with them, go to their place after classes, get some form of intoxicated with them on the weekends or do some other wholesome activity.  Most of us didn't work much or at all, we had classes and a bunch of time to fill with either studying (study dates!) or socializing. 

Now most of us have full time jobs or full time kids or both and barely have an evening a week to devote to our spouce or significant other.  Or I should say I now have a full time kid and a part time job and lack time, especially weekend time (because I work every weekend).  It was a huge transition and I spent lots of time feeling like people now didn't give a shit about me because I had a kid.  That was delusional.  But I was also full of post partum hormones. 

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonnet, people like me!"  Has been a fairly recent realization. 

It's also amazing that I can feel extremely imperfect, but still feel extremely valued as a person, this is a new feeling to me.  Like, it's OK if I totally fuck up in a social situation, I'm still worth something, what?  Crazy!  And that it's OK to try to reconnect with an old friend/aquaintence even if I've ignored the relationship mostly for the last few years.  And it's also ok if not everyone likes me and I don't like everyone.  I've had to let a few relationships go too, because they just weren't worth it.  Doesn't mean they won't work in the future. 

OK, too the normies out there, this probably seems like elementary stuff, but for me, this is a new concept. 

I think it's called self esteem.  I think I'm finally developing it. 

Feeling Good, Trying to Keep it Going

So this last week has been like the best mental health I have ever had ever in my whole life, ever! 

And in Januray?  What is wrong with me. 

I think a huge reason is that this last week has fallen pretty much exactly in between my god awful periods.  Which means a huge reaosn for this feeling awesome is simply hormones, lame.  It's also when I started going to bed at like 9 pm and getting up around 6 am, this sleep schedule seems to work really well for me.  Then on top of it I signed up for some CSAs this week, and got a new futon and scubbed the kitchen.

So we've got happy hormones, some good self care, and some growth and change going on.  All these combine made for a happy me.  I wasn't happy 100% of the time, but I felt extremely content with my life. 

So the hard part will be trying to keep this up.  Trying to beat the system of PMS and hormones.  I can't take hormonal birth control to help me, I'm breastfeeding (note: the progeston-only pill (mini pill) is safe, but not estrogen, I think it messes up supply), and I don't remember things being better on birth control, I remember things being worse and me getting really hungry while I was on them and basically gaining like 25 pounds. 

Ok I write about PMS a lot, but it's like THE issue I have right now, other mental health stuff is pretty good, life is pretty good, family is pretty good, it's the shitty thing I RUMINATE on. 

I told you this blog was all about rumination, shallow, not-well-thought-out rumination.  I don't think many read this, if oyu do, you are super cool and should call me on the telephone and hang out with me, becase, seriously, you must "get' me somehow. 

lol, I don't even know if my own husband reads this, oh well, I sometimes miss his blog too. 

OK.  Back to feeling good.  It's too late, my brain is now crumbling into not good mental health. 

I have to hang out with FAMILY (not my immediate) tonight.  Really hoping my bad sleep schedule (from work) doesn't turn me into a huge bitch.  I guess even if it does, I've already ruined my relationship with them pretty well so far. (Kidding, kind of)

Going out on a limb here...

and going to say that probably the simple act of paying attention to what you eat is what is healthy.

I've been looking into different diet trends and you know what?  I agree with them all.  I agree with the vegans about the heath benefits of avoiding animal products, I agree with the paleos that we eat too much grain and that we were meant to eat met, I agree with the vegetarians that we can get good protein through eggs and cheese and vegetables.  They all have their own documentation to prove that their way of eating is the way to go.  And I think they are all right.  I'm betting the Atkins people are on to something too.

The thing these diets all have in common? The healthy people on them avoid sweets and refined grains and sugars and eat a good amount of veggies.  I'm thinking that this is the real trick to it.

Is meat good or bad for you?  Probably a little of both.  Is dairy?  Probably there are good things and bad.  Grains?  Same deal.  If you only ate fruits and veggies with no good protein source you'd have a problem too, you at least need to throw some nuts or legumes in there.  Likewise if you went on an all meat and butter diet.

I'm willing to bet that in 50 or 100 years if they continue to research nutrition that they are going to find that many different diets work well for people, but that refined flour and sugar and corn syrup is what is doing us in.  Too much of it that is, I'm not going to go and say that you should never eat sugar ever, I sure couldn't do that.  But there really hasn't been a study out there that has said, "eat more sugar and corn syrup and flour for your health!"  But I'm willing to bet that there has been a study showing the health benefits of nearly every other food.

So for this year as part of my bettering myself deal I'm going to cook a wider range of veggies and try to cut back on those refined grains and sugars. 

These two things seem the most beneficial. I'm not willing to go ahead and say all grain is bad or all dairy is bad, or all meat is bad.

I've joined a meat and veggie and fruit and cheese CSA for this year, so I'm very excited to cook more tasty new things that are probably pretty healthy.