Saturday, December 15, 2012

Thoughts On Working Overnight

I've been working overnight for about a month now two nights a week at a mental health crisis center.  There are things I have noticed about the overnight shift.

1. Holy crap, give overnight shift people a break, this is really hard, we are not meant to stay up until 9 am.  We are meant to sleep in beds next to our partners and children.

2.  IQ drops as shift goes on.  My first few nights I was positively insane and dumb by the time my shift ended, unable to really form a sentance that made sense to any one else.  It doesn't quite get that bad, but I find myself making little mistakes more and more as the night goes on; turning the wrong way down a hall, leaving my keys places, forgetting some needed item, forgetting what things I need to do next. 

3. Insanity rises.  I start out as mostly sane, maybe around 10% insanity that's just always there.  I'd say my mental state slowly turns into some kind of mild rapidly cycling bi-polar disorder.  Not enough to interfear with my job really, but I do remember looking in one hallway once around 5 am one shift and I suddenly thought, "This is the Shining."  And that was incredibly funny to me, "all work and no play makes me a dull girl," I thought.  I imagined going crazy and running around the house with an axe.  But then I'll have these times sitting at my desk that are suddenly filled with dread and anxiety, and I have no idea why.  It's like my body knows I'm away from my family at a weird time and is like, "did they die?  Did they abandon you? Where are your loved ones?  Not here.  You are all alone, forever."  Luckily I'm rational and I know these feelings are totally incorrect, but I feel them, and then they pass.  What's really bad is that around 6 am people start getting up and actually want to talk to me and process things with me and tell me their troubles and I have to really concentrate and try to not say something really, really stupid.  usually I want to say, "OMG, I have no idea!  Crap, that sucks, sheesh, look, I can barely think right now, save it for morning staff."  But I can't do that, I'm suposed to be learning how to do this stuff, I WANT to learn it, so I do my best and do admit to them that I am incredibly tired. 

4.  It gets easier, somehow your body figures out, "oh crap, she's not kidding, she is not going to bed anytime soon, I guess we'll keep her up.  Unfortunately this has meant that I once woke up at 1:45 am at home and could not for the life of me get back to sleep.  My body said, "time to work!"  My coworker says I'm still adjusting.

5.  I fear permanent brain damage or permanent damage to my sleep schedule.  There was some report that they gave mice permanent brain damage from simulating jet lag in them.  Essentially I'm flying about 8 time zones away each weekend and then coming back at the end, this seems errily similar, but I'm not a mouse so maybe I'll be OK. 

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